is there point to it all? In this vast chaos of life, this fortress of darkness that we surround ourselves with, is it worth it? We go on with our lifes, little drones. we work. we sleep, we eat. we find ourselves amongst other drones, carrying on our simple analytical bullshit. nothing really matters. Those of us in which it seems something does, it is ne'er important enough for those others. We must succeed.. We must prove ourselves worthy in the main aspect of the world. We must show everyone that we are not just a grain of sand upon the beach, but yet we are something MORE... we long to live our lives happy, to wake up each day and know that we have succeeded and done the best we could. and yet, so many things prevent it...
I find it odd, how people can say that they wish to move on, that they wish to start anew, and yet they always seem drawn back.. To what i'm not always sure, or especially the WHY. but it happens.
I have found my life to be less and yet even more burden and tiresome lately. So many expectations people hold me to. So many people that want me to be something, be someone. I'm not everything, i'm not everyone. I am not some super hero. I am just human.
All i ask for in my life, is a channel that i can be happy with. I want to wake each day, and know that i am loved, that i can go on living, and even if i make mistakes, it will be ok.
As far as life currently goes, it is simple and meaningless.. I seldom sleep... My eating patterns are noticably changed. Seldom happens. The little sleep i get, is just so that i can make it through my day at work withouth ripping the troat of some poor unsuspecting customer out... I enjoy the new-ness of my job, and the pay. but am i happy? have i ever been happy? Only a few times have i been truely happy, and those moments are so overburdened and clouded with pain that it seems but a dream.
Wolfsheim -- "everyone who casts a shadow"
everyone who casts a shadow seem to stand in the sun
and when your step leaves a track you seem to be going on.
I know myself... I know my shades...but I don't see no light
and if there's a track, it means: no turning back… no matter what you try!
everyone who feels his heartbeat seems to be still alive
and by a look into your eyes I seem to know if you're lying.
but from time to time there is more to life than just a muscle working deep inside
and to find the truth it needs much more than just a look into an eye!
